Since this thread is open to sufferers, I'd like to chime in a bit regarding shut outs. My experiences with shut outs have a different angle than the one that was discussed in a different thread, but thought that I should share how I, as a sufferer, tend to shut out my husband -

Many many times, I will race around the house like a maniac doing this and doing that - running the vacuum, straightening up, doing anything to preoccupy myself when a lot of times, none of those things are urgent matters, but to me, any sort of "mess" in house sets me off a lot of times. While doing this, I will start raging in my own head because as I'm trying to "straighten out the mess" my husband will be relaxing on the couch, surfing the internet, doing whatever, and I will just fume that he is not helping me. The thing is - I never say anything. Instead, I slam doors, I huff and puff, I glare like a mad woman, I probably have fire coming out of my nose but I say nothing - until BAM, he asks me what's wrong and I fly off the handle that there's tons of things to be done and he's not helping. Problem? I didn't tell him that I would like some help.

The interesting thing is - I've actually thought on many occasions that I DID tell him, because as I fume in my head how pissed off I am that he's not helping I somehow think that I verbalize it at the same time, but I don't! I have internal conversations that are so strong I actually think I'm verbalizing. And now that I think about it, I think I don't verbalize them because I don't want to rage - I'm trying to protect him from my "messy head" but in the end, it fails!

Do I realize that this is a failed coping mechanism - yes. Do I still do it - yes. Am I working on it - yes. If someone were to put a time frame on how long I had to fix this - I would tell them to leave me now, that they are not the right person for me.

I realize this is slightly different than the original debate in a different thread, but this may also be another shutting out mechanism that some carers here have experienced and I just wanted to share as a sufferer.

Best,
Rachel