The similar thing happened to me with a male 'friend' a few years ago. He said some really terrible things to me, and i ended the friendship. We had been joking, but then the joke got to be serious and hurtful and he was no longer teasing me, but seriously trying to insult me. My husband continued to be friends with him and thought that I was just temporarily mad at him, and that he didn't do anything that wrong. (THAT pissed me off royal)
The 'friend' and i did not speak for 3 years. Then we tried again, and I think he will not say things like that ever again. I avoid that subject with him (what he said that was so horrible and caused me to end the friendship) so that he won't be tempted to insult me again.

You are doing the right thing, Cecilia. Dump the people who do not treat you with respect. Hopefully your husband will see it your way and leave that butthole alone after this.