I am the one with PTSD and my previous partner who I am trying to reamin friends with has offered himself to me as part of my support network. We actually had a conversation about this very subject last evening.

His mother has cervical cancer, recently diagnosed. My lovely is very strong, independent and resourceful. He has a fantastic realtionship with his immediate family.

I ring him, text, and mail when and if I am having a bad day! Sometimes he just serves as a 'reaching out exercise', to know that someone special knows how I am feeling really does help. Other times when I am feeling lost he helps with practical sloutions.

Anyway, we got on to talking about 'us'......we did not make it! He said he finds it hard as I only call him etc when I am in need! Crap! I was only contacting him in those times becasue I assumed that is all we are to each other. I did not think about just calling him up to say 'hi'! Sometimes I don't think outside the box, not becuase I am selfish, but because I am treading a path that I thought we had agreed on. I did not realise we could just be friends to each other as well.

Anyway, I told him that I am here for him - always! He said he can't ask me even if he wanted because of where I am! I thought about this and sent him a text later.

I told him that I wished he would ask of me. I suggested that I feel that reaching out for support demonstrates strength of character (he is very, very independent). I suggessted that reaching out demonstrates trust between the two people. I told him that he knows that being there for others' is what I am all about and that he should use this resource that I have. In fact if he did I would feel proud and honoured that he would come to me. I also highlighted how aiding others' makes me feel; strong, confident, wothwhile and like I am a good person.

I hope I showed him that to ask of me would be positive for both of us.

Therefore, when someone is a carer I do believe that the caree' (ha) should ensure that they make it clear that they are able to offer support as well. I prefer it that way if I am honest - it takes the limelight away from me and I can think about someone else instead of me for a while.

Spirit x