This may sound harsh, but this forum deals with a harsh subject. If you're having that much trouble adapting to life in a warzone, GET OUT. I volunteered for Vietnam, spent 18 months with the 1st Cavalry. When they wanted charlie out of a zone, they sent the 1st Cav in. But, before charlie left, he pounded us nightly with rockets and mortars. We didn't have C-Ram. We woke to the explosion, and quickly learned that if we survived, we had to get to the bunker line fast, cuz charlie was good at following the mortars with a ground attack. For years after I came home, I slept in the dark, with music on, because, when I was startled awake by a loud noise, I woke up running for the bunker line. In a darkened bedroom, my run was short lived ending in my face hitting the wall of the bedroom, but instinct is hard to let go of. My point is, it won't get better, only worse. War causes PTSD, some of the worst symptoms of PTSD. The government knows this, Vietnam taught them that. There is no cure for PTSD. It took me twenty years of suffering before I found out I had it. Another couple of years to convince myself that I wasn't weak, I was a victim of war. Eleven years of PTSD therapy later, I was able to let go of enough of my bullshit to get sorta comfortable in my skin, enough to cope with life anyway. If this sounds like a shitty way to live life, you bet yer ass it is. I wish someone would have cared enough about me to write what I'm writing to you. I can't count the number of times I got to the point that I was ready to 'off' myself because I hated the life that PTSD caused me to have. My wives suffered, my children probably wished they had a 'normal' Dad, many times I wished they had a normal Dad, but I've survived. PTSD also taught me to be a survivor, for what? God hasn't answered that question yet. But, you said you have the option to get the hell away from that war. Take it, or you could wind up like me. Or worse, it's been estimated that twice as many Vietnam Vets have committed suicide as a result of the war, than the number of Brothers I lost in the country of Vietnam. That's a grim statistic, but PTSD doesn't take prisoners, only lives. I wish you the best.