Hi Carmen, Welcome. I can almost tell where the distance came from in your relationship. We inherently feel like evil, no-good people because of our symptoms. When you compare how positively you've managed to hold the spirit alive in his absence, you de-value any pride he might have managed to hold onto of a "job well done"

Here is a good way to describe HIS year. Imagine you are a member of a street gang, and you've angered the rival gang to the extent that they've sworn deadly vengeance on every member of the gang you belong to. Now, imagine that every minute of that year, the next strange noise that you heard could be an armed home invasion where death would be the outcome, or a drive-by using automatic weapons, or a rival gang member sneaking across the street and lobbing a grenade in through your front door. That's been his year if he was in the rear, away from the fighting. If he was part of a reactionary force, imagine when something like I described happened, that he had to get into his car and go pay the rival gang back, or even worse, walk down the street signaling his intent for the rival gang to see coming.

First of all, spouses shouldn't compare years. You held the family together, that's very important. He fought for your safety to walk down the street without the fear of someone popping up out of the bushes and taking you out, because you accidentally got in the middle of a fire fight. Do you think that is as important as keeping the family together? I do. Don't compare apples and oranges, you both should be closer because of your individual accomplishments. Together, you were successful at keeping the family together and safer. Please don't discount his contribution to the family, it'll alienate him to you and the family. I'm sure you're not looking for that.

I hope this has helped you to understand him, and your relationship to each other. Best Wishes.