Hi Vilerat,

I have seen people I love murdered and have others threatened. It is not war but some things might be similar with PTSD symptoms.

I want to share something that help me to maybe provide hope for you to hold onto.

The flashbacks, the feelings of terror, loss of control, self questions of sanity resulting from nightmares while awake and the unexpected startle responses--mix with life, the world moving on normally, creates a deep unvoiceable pain. I can funtion in the normal world well but the symptoms of PTSD lurk and reappear.

The thing is at first I attempted to avoid situations that would trigger the flashbacks because of fear of not only the experience, but because of the period that follows where normal function is difficult, if not impossible. However, I have learned that the flashbacks can be a part of healing. What triggered the flashbacks once may trigger a different response this time because I am learning how to survive and live through the terror. I have more control (not complete control) but enough to learn and to accept the fear that comes with activiation of symptoms and go through them. It helps to survive and move on to the next chapter.

Flashbacks and all the accompanys it comes at times of great stress but days of feeling normal do come again. It is not easy, but there are ways to make it easier and many days of happiness that happen with family, life, and all that matters. All days are not dark, the feelings of horror are not constant--it passes--at times for long periods. A decent life with PTSD is possible.

Even so, the man that provided the advice--too get out of there if you have a chance is wise. Not all people with your experiences will have the same responses as you. The thing is for some reason you are volunteerable to PTSD. Don't expect to much of yourself. You may believe that being there is the same for you as the next person, so feel obligated in some way to stay. But PTSD has it's own challenges and you and your family have given enough. Take care of yourself and those you love if you have the option.

Best wishes and thank you for your work!