I spent my entire grade school years trying to escape the school yard bullying. When I found that teachers would keep me in the classroom during recess as a way of punishing me for disturbing things, I became a class clown and kept things in a turmoil. I was a terror for the teachers. Then I met a teacher who wanted to take the punishment to a new level ... truly an assault and battery and sex abuse level. Back in the classroom, I declared my victory by throwing another spit ball at her and laughed through my tears. I though I had won the battle, but all these years later, i find that she won the war. She might have forgotten me, but i can never forget her and what she did.

Cindy ... thanks for your remarks about cleaning the board. I've always wondered why I was so focused on getting that little job and always, always being so disappointed that I was never chosen for it. Of course, it was another way for me to escape the beatings and sex abuse on the playground...at recess and after school.

So ... probably most of my teachers would have been rescuers if I had not acted so terribly in class, but they knew about the playground. They heard it from me. They heard it from others who told on the bullies. They saw it themselves and decided that I must have deserved it.

And now I find it was unhealthy to have wanted rescue, that I should have done it myself. I am sorry.