I have buried my emotions for so long that I do not cry about the things you might expect. I put the emotions in those little memory boxes where all the bad things are stored.

The tears come when one of those memory boxes is disturbed. If your story bumps up against one of those boxes .... tears.

If I try to tell part of my story .... tears, panic, and shaking

If someone says a kind word and a time when a box is open ... tears.

I have distanced myself from almost everyone emotionally to protect against the pain of loss. I stay away from the places of abuse ( a long way away, like not even going into those states). And I've developed certain safe ways to talk about events ... but sometimes the emotions get out of control if I'm in my "safe way of talking" and I see a note of empathy in someone's eyes ... tears.

Women can find excuses for the tears, but it makes people suspicious of guys. What a wimp.