Hi all,
My story begins feb of 06. I spent a year in afganistan and had to endure ied's, suicide bombers, rockets and bullets the whole time. For me it was an incredable adventure until my unit started taking effective casulty's. I lost alot of friends, most in front of my own eyes. It's hard to explain to most of my family and friends so I end up not saying very much.
Coming back home I started to notice a difference in my attitude and disposition. I felt like nothing was ever safe, and I couldn't stop the images and nightmares no matter what i did. I got some help through the military mental health services. Things seemed to get better. I was on some meds and seeing someone about twicce a month.
I met a wonderful woman and fell head over heel's in love with her. I never had the heart to talk to her about some of the things that I was dealing with. How could I put that kinda thing on her. So I kept it in.
As things with the gf and the home business started to get better, it felt like my brain started to work against me. I couldn't face any sort of challenge, I had a few family members die, and i couldn't even bring myself to go to the funerals. I started drinking and medicating myself to the point that I was blacking out completely. My wonderful caring girlfriend had no idea what was wrong with me and she couldn't take it anymore. She left me because I scared her away.
I only started to open my eyes when one of my good friends who was going through alot of stuff that I was going through commited suicide. He a good friend, a great soldier who couldn't face the demon's in his mind anymore. But I realized at how much I could hurt the people around me by leaving them and the absolute last thing in the world that I want to do is to hurt anyone I love.
The Gov is sending me to an operational stress injury clinic now, and I am really paying attention.
My Girlfriend is such a wonderful girl, I love her alot and it breaks my heart that she would leave me alone in this situation but I cannot blame her. I'm wondering if anyone has left for a clinic and was able to rebuild a relationship with someone dear to them.
It's kinda the extrem short version of my story but it covers most of the bases.
The thing is, I feel that I have lost so much, no one that knows me wants anything to do with me and I've lost my career and so many members of my family. I just want to be able to deal like regular people,

Thanks for listening