I've been looking through some of the other introductions, and I have to say that my own experiences have not been as awful as what many here have gone through. This makes me feel guilty on top of everything else for seeking support for my own emotional needs right now. Yet, the need for understanding and support is strong enough that I hope this community can help me.

One year ago, today - April 9th - my then 18 year old daughter was shot in the head by her boyfriend. Her father called me immediately after he found her and had called 911. The thing is - I'm in the Foreign Service and I live halfway around the world. I spent the next 24 hours trying to get back home to what I thought was going to be my firstborn child's funeral.

The good news is that she lived. The bad news is that she will never be the same again. My nightmare continues as I try to fight her father to get her the care and therapy she needs to continue progressing in the healing process. It's hard to do from so far away. (and, he is an emotional abuser...part of why we aren't married any longer...)

One year from that date I'm having flashbacks to when I received the call from her father, and to moments sitting in horror watching my child "posturing" in the ICU while we wait for her to die because the doctor said she would. I cry at the drop of a hat because I'm finally having to accept that my little girl is gone and there is a new person I have to get to know....but I don't get to spend much time with her. And, I grieve over the loss of my daughter who was about to go off to college and now she has to be reminded to brush her hair.

I guess I'm hoping to hear that these feelings are "normal" after going through something like this. I want to believe that time really can heal these wounds and someday I can look back on the last "real" conversation I had with my daughter and smile because it was a wonderful chat instead of crying because it was the last one I had with her before "IT" happened.

I hope that's not too much info for my introduction, but the way I feel today it just keeps all "gushing out."