Bec, thank you so much for your post. It's the best advice I've seen in regards to this issue, and I've done a lot of research.

Alot of the time this fantasy is dismissed as a transference, and well almost encouraged i.e. there is nothing wrong with being saved, or wanting comfort from your trauma. Yet, I know, that my fantasy is damaging me and is going beyond transference.

Lately I've taken a step back from the rescue fantasy and asked myself what's really going on here. And I have realised that this fantasy puts me constantly in the role of the victim. It feeds my victim mentality, which feeds my helplessness, which feeds my it's-pointless-I-can't-be-saved-so-no-point-even-trying which turns into depression, which turns into the fantasy all over again.

Futhermore, I'm finding myself in relationships; work, friendships & otherwise where I'm being 'picked on'. Nothing violent, but I've been the victim of some unacceptable and unfair behaviour by people. I've been asking myself why me, rather then what I'm doing that I'm attracting this rubbish? I'm not the only one noticing it - a few people have asked 'why are you putting up with this?' 'why don't you say anything' 'you should stick up for yourself'. And I've just shrugged poor me this stuff always happens to me nothing I can do about it, and been hoping someone else will step in and save me.

Despite these recent realisations that I'm casting myself into the victim role and it's spilling over into real life, it has never occured to me to put myself into a hero position, or into an empowered position.

If I think of the 'victim' as someone other then me, then how would I help them? How would I rescue them? And wham, suddenly I have lots of different solutions to some of the situations I've found myself in. I've been letting it happen. Yikes. Hello, she wakes up.

Bec, you are a genius! I love the hero idea. I also like the idea of telling myself that I can fix it. It's really quite simple yet no one's ever pointed it out to me before.