I'm a bit late in on this conversation but wanted to post a thought.

If our mother did not rescue us/protect us/care for us as a child and it never changed.....do we try and re-create the same situation over and over trying to fix/change something which happened a long time ago and cannot be changed? Do we think if we just get a taste of how good we think it will be as an adult we can then shed the pain we have carried through from our childhood?

While the wanting to be rescued makes perfect sense I wonder if that is only part of it. The reason I say this is, while we think we need to be rescued and try and put ourselves in the position to be 'saved', why is it we choose people who are not capable of 'rescuing' in the first place. Don't we end up choosing someone who resembles the person we have the issue with in the first place?

My thoughts, from a lot of personal experience, is that you have to come to an acceptance of what happened and peace in what was just "was" whether it be right or wrong, fair or unfair. Acceptance and forgiveness allows us to let go of what we are hanging onto. Through the forgiveness process you acknowledge someone did wrong by you instead of the struggle with "why" they did it to you. Sometimes the answer is not in the "why" even though we look for it there. We get caught up trying to work out why when perhaps we should be focusing on changing how we feel as even when you find out why it doesn't really change anything. If you were hurt in the first place finding an answer does not take away the pain.