Looks like you've been through hell. Most of us here have been through our own version of hell, but yours is just as valid as the next person's.

What you're feeling is what some of us like to call a normal reaction to an abnormal experience.

I hope you find what you're looking for here. I have found that it helps to write, if you'd like to continue writing your story I would recommend the trauma diaries section:
http://www.ptsdforum.org/forum32.html

Welcome!