I separated these two. I wanted to discuss this one all on it's own.

I will share a wee bit of my story here first. When I was in my teens, I had this flash of a memory. All I could remember was being little and some guy was dressed in the "Freddy Cruger" style shirt with a knife. He was standing on one side of the door and me on the other. He told me he was going to kill me. I had no idea what this memory was, where it came from, if it was real. It really invoked complete terror in me though. I didn't get along with my family so it took me a few years to ask anyone if they knew what this was. I ended up asking my Dad and found out that my cousin had tried to murder my brother and I when I was just six. The whole story was told me. It's a very dramatic story actually. I was shocked to say the least. I know about all of it now, but I still only remember bits and pieces of it. I didn't want to believe it. It felt unreal and I wanted it to be unreal. It took me ten years to come to the point that it was real.

That is just one of many pieces of memory that are like that for me. I still have many traumas I feel aren't real. At the heart of this is the fact that I don't want it to be. Facing the truth is infinitely hard at times. It gets even worse when most of them are fragmented memories with few chances of verifying them. I know that the only way I am going to get to the truth of these fragments is by doing what I don't want to. I have to dig at them. Tear them apart. Face it dead on. I have to separate what I think and feel from what I remember. Not an easy task. Then put it all back together again.

In my eyes, your feelings on this are completely normal. However, you need to start facing it to find your truth.

So, you say you don't have a proper memory on this. What memory do you have? Maybe start there....

bec