I am struggling at the moment - struggling big time! I have lost my ability to be objective about myself. I could do with some major feedback. Your experiences or your ideas, or both!

I would like the Anthony, 'no nonsense approach', please! I reckon I need a good slap in the face to jolt me back into reality?

My feelings; A previous relationship, still friends, he is a good, good man. I found out he has another. He tried to protect me from it! I ran away the day I found out - it hit me really hard. However, I was the one who ended our relationship (5 times to be precise).

He tells me he still loves me, cares immensely about me, wants to support me as I do not have family support. But, because of how badly my issues effected us he is reconciled to the fact that we cannot be together.

He sends me a wonderful mail and I find the negative in it!
I have been away from him for 5 months and I have been Okay, even though I have been trying to heal.
I feel sick to my stomach that we have parted.
I realise I pushed him away (good old self fulfilling prophecy).
I realise I was scared to love a man (men have been my enemy).

Why do I hurt now 5 months down the line?
Have I been hiding from my feelings?
Have I been in denial about our break -up?
Did I skip town for 5 months (it feels like this at the moment).
Why am I struggling so bad?
Why do I only find the negatives in things at the moment?
Am I in auto pilot - permanently switched on to shutting my feelings out?
Or, the big one! Am I just realising that I am responsible for pushing away the things in my life that are genuinely good for me? - So have I learned one of the hardest lessons of my life?

Your experiences or similar would be most welcomed!

Thank you

Spirit x