I have my answer!

I do not want this thread to be wasted though!

I did not realise I would find my answer until I wrote my questions on here. The thinking raised and the answers have just come pouring out!

You may disagree with what i have formulated for myself?

But here it is;

he said today; "why are you concentrating on my life and what is happening with it instead of yours?"

Because your life had become mine - it really had! And I miss that!

I have been in denial - that great big river of self deception. I have been in denial about why we are no longer together and about the fact that we are not!

I am coming out, emerging from the river and the cold hard reality of daylight is hitting me! I pushed away something so precious and wonderful and even though I did not know why, or perhaps that I was, I did it! And, now I am having to come to terms with that reality and your new relationship has forced me to see this and fess up to why I feel so unhappy about us not being together

There I said it - 'heal thyself', you said, and so I am! I f***** me over and made you feel miserable in the process and I need to understand this and see it for what it is so that I never make the same mistake again!

I am healing - I am getting there and I am learning my lessons - you hear me Universe I am learning. I ache inside from all of the learning, my heart feels heavy and my body feels weary, but I am learning. Thank you for my lesson, thank you for giving me the opportunity to find me in this muddled up 9 year old.

I am f-ing learning and I will be Okay - I will heal and I will grow - I am too many inches to mention, taller already!



I was in denial and have been for far too long! No more!



I hope this is not seen as self indulgent? I truly did need reflections and I would still love all your views and experiences. Perhaps, you have learned from me and what I have found out? I hope so?



Also, I must say this and I have tears in my eyes as I say it - thank you Anthony for being such a ball breaker, you have equally been a tough lesson for me. But I have learned it well! Thank you for this place and thank you for helping me find me! Your words are difficult for me at times as I feel them- I always feel and think much much later!



Spirit (blabbing out in the open)