Hi, all...Cowgirl, your post was particularly timely for me. I live in a walk-up apartment; the next-door neighbors are a father and his two sons (late teens and early 20s). The two kids are constantly fighting with each other, their "friends", their father. Yesterday afternoon, when I was home alone, there was a level of screaming and crashing around that was new and terrifying -- two crashes in particular sent me to the phone to call 911. Other residents did as well. Long story short: someone had kicked a hole into a hallway wall, and in the kids' apartment, one wall has a huge crack in it. Cops and a forensic unit arrived. My husband and I spoke with our superintendents (great people) and among other things, charges are being laid. Hopefully these people will be evicted; these kids have been nothing but trouble for the two years they've been here. I know that their presence has triggered PTSD symptoms in me.

I was terrified and still feel shaky today. Violence is totally unacceptable behaviour and whoever is subject to it (in this case, you), I think, has to put survival first. We humans like to think that we are rational creatures -- and we are, in part. We also operate instinctively, reactively, and impulsively.

Cowgirl, your mate's behaviour won't change easily. It can change, if he wants to work with it and consider options to de-escalate his rage. But for you -- at the earliest sign that he's raging -- GET OUT. Whether or not he's actually aiming his rage at you...you are a potential target, just by being present. People don't think when they're raging. They simply strike out. Don't put yourself at any further risk.

All the best,

Roo