I grew up in a rather violent household where we were "taught" that physical violence against inanimate objects is how to handle rage. Fist through the wall were commonplace, and he even through our dog through the wall once. Since this is what we not only witnessed, but what we thought was 'normal', some of us carried that type of rage as we got older.

I'm not going to lie and say I've never done it, because I have, but I also learned quickly that it only costs me money (and possible embarrassment). I have two younger brothers, however, that have not gotten a grip on their rage. The older would beat all hell out of anything that was in his path, and his garage walls were a testament to his uncontrollable rage. He once shoved his wife, and told me about it realizing how wrong it was. I told him that he crossed the line, and that if he ever hit her I would breathe fire down his neck for it. (Probably not the right way for me to react, but I don't tolerate that in anyone). He doesn't seem to be particularly embarrassed that others have said something to him, usually reacting by telling them to mind their own farking business. I do fear that he would strike his own child in a fit of rage because I do think he crossed the line with that shove.

My youngest brother is on his third marriage and when I visited him once during his second, I noticed his marriage was spiralling downward. His rage was evident in their home, where nearly every time I visited I saw a new remnant of his hostility - holes in walls, broken shelves, doors off their hinges, etc. His wife confided in me that she was afraid of him, which only seemed to anger him even more since she "apparently" didn't trust him, fearing he would turn on her, or worse, their daughter. He adamantly denied that he would (or could) ever do that, but he just didn't get it that a young woman who has never seen that type of rage in her young life was afraid of him. I tried to tell him that she didn't ever see that growing up and that there was no way she could know what his limits are, especially when he is that enraged.

It was then that I told my brother this, and I whole heartedly believe this:
There is only one way to prove that you will not strike your wife or child, and that time will come on the day that you die when one can look back on your life and determine whether you had ever struck them. I told him that he CANNOT prove that he won't do it, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how much he explains, he has to just live with the fact that he had displayed rage, and that rage doesn't have a limit.

He didn't like it, and didn't talk to me for years after that visit because I told him something that he didn't want to hear. In all honesty, I don't think he could, but I won't tell him that, I will only tell him that he was bordering on the line and only one blood vessel away from crossing it. He eventually got some counseling, but we don't talk much anymore like we used to.

I'm not in total agreement that a fist through a wall is a sure sign of worse things to come, because I do believe that people can change. But I won't deny that it's possible that it could lead to worse. They can change, but only if they can fully accept that their actions, or reactions, are unacceptable and inappropriate. If you take the violence lightly, they will take it lightly as well, so putting your foot down (or up his arse) is the right way to deal with it, IMHO. I'm a guy, but I would not tolerate that in my home no matter who it was. My father never really changed, and after he remarried he even put her in the hospital. Sadly, she is still with him. He never saw his rage as unacceptable - therefore he is not capable of change. This is why I haven't talked to him in about 25 years.