You crack me up c-jack. (Bubonic Plague?)

Over the past 4 years I have had difficulties at work on and off. At one point I did question the social services personel of the statewide union. They were responsive but not persistent in keeping in touch with me about my difficulties. I let it drop back then.

I am again concerned I may have to bail out before retirement in 5 years. I don't know if I'll make it. Bailing out really terrifies me. It's like saying I can't handle life anymore. I'm so stubborn about toughing it out over my personal needs.

I keep sitting on the wobbly fence.

I don't see how you can leave employment without an explanation to your supervisor or atleast Human Resources. That also would be real tough to deal with. It's like admitting all the negative beliefs are true. Rationally I know that is BS but since when am I rational when it comes to trust and disclosing my inner world.

This whole topic spooks me because it may come knocking at my door sooner than later.