Whoa - insight... but very deep (good). I believe I am in huge denial because I so often shake my head and tell myself that IT didn't happen or ask myself if my babies - who were just incredible little people - were just a fantasy and a dream that I made up because I wanted children so badly. They were very real I assure you - it is just near impossible many days to digest and accept what happened to us. How do I get to the point you are at? I understand what you are saying but it feels like it has so many facets that I don't really understand it at the same time. (am I making any sense?)