Gram, I too have great difficulty going out, shopping or otherwise. I don't know if it is in part due to the large amount of publicity my accident got but I do know that going places I went with the babies is still so hard - we went everywhere together, the only time I wasn't with them was the hours I was at work. I live rural so there aren't a lot of different places to go. It is also because of the driving thing. Lately my 3 year old - who we are very open with and is very smart - she knows about her sister and brother and a bit of what happened - will ask if daddy can drive because she doesn't want to go in the river. We didn't specifically tell her about my accident but she has heard so much and senses my fears. When she learned to talk she would say to me "mommy, don't fall down" when we were in the car going to the store. I didn't know why she said it until one day while driving near a river she said "mommy, don't fall down in the ocean" and pointed to the water. So smart - she put together what bits she heard us talking about and somehow knows my incredible fear. We have since had to explain things to her so she doesn't grow her own fears.

I have an appointment with my doctor to discuss meds again. I have to try something, can't go on like this. My husband had tried cymbalta and it helped him a lot - so thanks for the suggestion sunny.

Cindy, your description of the shelf is very poignant. I have always needed to have order in my life - organization, I'm talking my living and working space. Although things were not always in perfect order, if things started to get messy around me from day to day I'd have to stop and put things back in there place. Straighten my desk, cupboards or whatever. Since my accident, my surroundings are in complete chaos which has made it so hard to function. It's like I don't know where to start in putting things away - just too overwhelmed. I keep thinking if I can just get the house back in order it might help - such a parallel - something to think/talk about.

Thank you ALL for your caring and support.