I have to agree, the more someone pushes, the more I push them away.

If they leave me alone, I have time to reflect and apologise. I almost feel that it seems childish to react in this way. But I have to agree, that for whatever reason, when I'm in a certain frame of mind, I can't bear to have any hassle. But after a while, I find myself returning to those who try to help me.

In saying this, I don't have a partner or 'carer' as such, but I do have friends who care about me. I realise that I probably push them too far some times, but I think they understand. And I always know when I have pushed them away too much, because they stop contacting me. That is when I realise I have been pushing them away.

Even trying to explain it here, sounds quite warped. On the one hand, I want someone to care about how I feel and listen to me. But at the same time I can't always explain what is going on, nor do I want to, so it feels like pressure, so I push it away. Then when I'm ready to share/talk, I realise that no-one is around, so have to go back to those friends,apologise, try to explain, and then try to talk about what is going on.

Maybe my experience doesn't really fit here, because, as I said, I don't have a 'carer' as such; just a few friends who DO try to understand.

But I suppose, something in Nicolette's post rang so true for me, that I just thought I'd add my thoughts.

I am sometimes unable to respond to my friends, and that makes me feel guilty, because I know they are expecting a response. Not many of them contact me to say, I'm here when you are ready- which is good to hear. but at the same time that comes down to me educating them on what I NEED, which isn't always easy.

Anyway - I'm lucky that I do have a couple of people who still stay by me as my friends despite everything. 'Carers', in what ever form are a god send to us PTSD'ers - don't give up on us !!