It's Okay Awawkening!

I no for a fact that there would of been a time that allowing myself to be in there here and now would of probably scared the sh*t out of me. I believe it is another coping mechanism. Our trauma makes it so easy for us to leave, you know dissociate. And, I reckon after living this way for such a long time the 'here and now' can seem a bit strange.

I did feel surreal and I know that this feeling before now would have made me feel very uncomfortable and nervous.

Being in the now means that you cannot possibly block out all of that horrible stuff we are always trying to flee from - thoughts, memories you get me right? The here and now is about being present in your mind and body and experiencing life as it happens. Instead of always standing back and looking in - I believe this is also why I have had that 'alone' feeling for so long - I was way off somewhere else, totally disconnected from me and my surroundings.

I guess it could sound a bit new agey , but it makes perfect sense for us! You are not ready for this yet? Perhaps this method of bringing you together with yourself is not the right technique? You will have to answer those questions honestly for yourself?

Triggering - well I have lived my life imprisoned by the fear of this for 26 years, and now that I am ready to 'fight the good fight' I say no more. I understand now that my triggers are not real, they are not lurking behind anything or anyone they are all about what I have created, and so I am ready to take them on! But, for a long time I feared them and would avoid them - you have done good in my books to speak up and be honest about how you feel, very good (and I am not patronising you I am giving you my honest feeling).

Think of the 'here and now' in these terms; you are fighting to take control, you are fighting to heal, fighting to reclaim your life, fighting to live in a functional manner, fighting to find happiness, restore balance??????? Well if you are then use the 'here and now' exercise as new armour. It takes away a little bit of PTSD, it takes away a little bit of how your trauama can control you and it brings you back into the driving seat!

Your thread has been important for me too, in ways you would not believe, so thanks for that! :-)

Spirit x