Hi... i am Revea. I am 20 this year, i was diagnosed with PTSD in December 08.

Although look strong on the outside and everything is going for me, internally i break down sometimes because of the things i went through in the past.

I been in 3 consecutive abusive relationships. Mentally, physically and psychologically. I feel broken and unwanted. I get flashbacks sometimes but it has been much better ever since i met my new boyfriend who respects and understands what i am going through. He has been giving me support all these while and i am able to gain back my confidence.

I have been having sleeping problems for 2-3 years. I can't sleep to fall asleep and if i do, i jolt awake at night. I would sleep for 10 hours or more on some days and i wouldn't see sunlight for weeks.

Sometimes i feel that something is out there to hurt me, something will creep up behind and stab me. So i prefer to sit in the corners so i know no one is behind and i can see everyone else from the view.

I would wish for this to end because there are so many things i want to do in my lifetime. There was two instances whereby my ex boyfriend would try to strangle me, i could have died. It made me realize that there is so much i want to do before I die.

Sleep disorder is the worst after effect... i would love to have a normal life and schedule so i can meet more people and have more time to work on my accomplishments.

I feel that being a survivor of PTSD has led to the development of my artistic abilities and mental development that surpasses my peers. I am basically multi-talented, i can work on anything and do well in it when others takes years to achieve that standard. Sometimes i feel like i am on a haywire out of control mood as my brain waves are irregular, although i don't know how that links with PTSD because i have not experienced this level of personal growth in such a short period of time. I feel that everything is speeding up and i keep setting higher and higher limits for myself.

Sometimes i feel that i have high expectations of people and if they don't live up to it, i feel very disappointed because i know they are capable of much more. I feel guilty for pressuring my partner to do well in his life, after all, he is my supporting pillar of strength.

Thank you for reading, i hope that you could share your experiences with me as well... it feels so alone going through this when everyone else is asleep....