You need to set firm boundaries, in my honest opinion. You probably have very good boundary setting skills as you have two small children (my skills were rusty, as my toddler rearing days were many years ago). You need to use those skills with your DH. In my experience, the PTSD sufferer will test every boundary you set (I'm sure that varies - just my experience).

When he is calm, you need to talk to him. Tell him that hitting walls, breaking things, throwing things, are absolutely not acceptable to you. Tell him that if he does it again, you will get the children and leave for a few hours or a few days. Tell him if he hits anything CLOSE to you or the children, you view that as threatening and you will call the police. Then, if he does it again, follow through on enforcing the boundary.

Venting is one thing. Crossing the line into physical threats / violence is a completely different and unacceptable behavior. It has happened only once with us (so far - I do not discount the possibility of him trying it again to see if he gets a "better" reaction from me). Boundaries must be set that are clear and completely unambiguous. What seems clear to you may not be clear to the person with PTSD, so try to articulate EXACTLY what the boundary is, and the consequences.

I find it very helpful to leave when my DH starts raging. He picks very bad times on occasion to put the distance solution into practice, but I think it is one of the most helpful things I do, to leave for at least a few hours and give him time to collect himself. I now have a list of stores in a nearby town that are open 24 hours per day. I keep that list in my purse, so that I can have somewhere to go for a few hours no matter when the trouble starts.

Since you have children to consider, I think it would be better for THEM not to witness the worst of their father's behavior also. And, since you have children, you may want to consider where you can take them, depending on the time of day. Clearly, taking the children shopping at midnight is NOT a good option! Are there friends you could turn to? Family? Think about all your available options.

It seems to me that once you set a boundary, you MUST enforce it every single time, religiously. The boundary will get tested, likely. If you don't enforce it every single time in the same way, the behavior worsens.

I hope I don't sound like a tired parent rather than a spouse. But it seems to me that during rages, the PTSD sufferer is more like an out-of-control toddler than the rational adult you married. I don't say that to be mean, honestly. So please, to those with PTSD who read this, please don't think I'm belittling anyone. It is just that ... as a mom and as a wife, I find that the boundary setting for rages is very reminiscent of what I had to do so many years ago with a toddler who threw temper tantrums at the store. It does not really resemble more "normal" interactions with another adult.

Just my two cents,

Cowgirl