Hey Alan, I know what you mean about wanting to be the way you were before the trauma. For me, I was such a different person before my trauma, I really mourn the me that was before. I see the changes (in my eyes, for the worst) in every day situations and especially when I get hit with triggers. It is hard because I have three girls that are under 3 years old, and they watch me so closely...When something startles me or makes me feel anxious, I have to be so careful how I react on the outside. I don't know if it will help you, but you may want to pay close attention to yourself - figure out what your various triggers are so that you can learn to live with them or avoid them, as Anthony said. Sadly, it's true that we are permanently changed, but it does get easier to live with PTSD, especially when you work at it instead of pretending nothing is wrong.