Lecie was born the day after Hailey's first birthday. She was actually due on May 14th but was born by emergancy C section on April 29th.

The two older girls were already in foster care and plans had been made for me to go see the birthday girl and have a small party. Just didn't work out that way.

On the 28th I found out from my caseworker that a warrent had been issued for my arrest and that the state could not allow me to see the girls until it was taken care of.

So I called my lawyer who told me not to do anything until I had seen my doctor (my pregnancy was high risk and he did not want to take chances)later that day.

By the time I got to the clinic I was pretty stressed out (who am I kidding I was wrecked). My kids were in foster care, I had missed an important day and then I found out that the state was going to press criminal charges against me (as much as I blamed myself for everything it really did something to my head when they pressed charges against me but did not even look at our abuser cross eyed). Anyway when they took my blood pressure it was way too high....not only that but it was determined to stay that way. I spent a couple of hours laying on my left side under dimmed lights before they decided that I should be admitted because they were worried I was going to have a stroke.

I was sent upstairs and hooked up to a fetal monitor and also given an IV (I can't remember what it was but it was supposed to prevent the afore mentioned stroke).

To make my day even better the hospital took it upon themselves to call my ex so he showed up...and then he called his family who showed up about 15 minutes after he called.

It was decided that labor would be induced the next morning (the 29th). At one point I asked about them doing a C section (I had a bad feeling and actually wanted one) but was told that the doctor did not believe it would be necessary...

I spent most of the next day worrying and waiting for something to happen. Eventually it did...it just wasn't what anyone expected. I had a few minor contractions, nothing to write home about (but I was on alert because I have short...really really short labors). The next thing I knew my water broke...I told the ex that he should go get a nurse so he took off down the hall. So the nurse comes in and says we should check and see how far dialated I am and whatnot. Next thing I know she says "I can't feel a head but I feel a cord" (that's a bad thing by the way) and all hell broke loose.

I am not sure of how long the rest of it took because it seemed to go really slow and really quickly at the same time. I remember most of it but at the same time it is kind of a blur...probably because of the panic.I can remember the ex saying that hailey had had the cord wrapped around her neck and she was fine. And I can remember looking at him very calmly and saying but this is not the same thing...this is bad. I remember a nurse (an older one) yelling that they needed to get me on my hands and knees. I remember them wheeling me down the hall and wondering where all the people were (other patients had been sent back to their rooms) and I remember my IV line getting cought in the wheels and thinking "OH F**K, they will never get another one in my now (I have difficult veins).

And of course since I have quick labors I was having really hard contractions the whole time. That kid wanted to be born and nothing was going to stand in her way. The entire time that same nurse (her name was June) kept her hand inside of me holding Lecie's head and preventing her from being born and tearing through the cord (she saved my daughters life and one of Lecie's middle names is June).

Anyway they wheel me off to the operating room and things are still crazy. Someone asked the ex if there was a choice to be made who were they supposed to save...he said me. We got inside the OR and I yanked the mask off of my face and told them all that under no circumstances were they supposed to let my kid go in order to save me...that if I woke up and found out they had there would be hell to pay.

I can remember a nurse yelling at me (although now I can't remember about what). Turns out it was June. Doesn't really matter though what she was yelling cause it was the only thing I could focus on. I told her that when she came in to say sorry.

Amazingly the whole IV thing worked out fine...mine was still in working order so they did not have to put in a new one. I remember them telling me to breath and to count backwards....I remember how they just dumped the betadine on me (on tv and whatnot they always wipe it on so neatly with a piece of gauze but not in my case).

And then I remember waking up (briefly) and someone asking if I wanted to see the baby before they took her to another hospital (that had a NICU). I said no...because I did not want them to waste the time.

Later I remember the ex shoving a poloriod under my nose and so that I could see her. She looked dead...