I woke up a few hours later in another room. I have a very vague memory of going there but I don't know if it is really a memory or just something someone told me.

But anyway I woke up and looked at the picture of my baby girl. She was hooked up to a respirator and had tubes sticking out here and there. She looked really, really awful.

I got up the courage to call the hospital where she was staying and talked to a nurse in the NICU. She told me that Lecie was doing well...she had had one seizure but was mostly just lathargic.

The next day I called again and was told that they took out the breathing tube and that she was doing well.

I was kept in the hospital for 4 days. On the second I got permission to go to go actoss town (actually a few miles) and see my baby. The ex had already been to see her (I made him...he had to be good for something) and had brought me more polaroids. Without the tubes she was beautiful...looked just like a little doll.

His mom came and gave me a ride. I had never spent time in a NICU before and had no idea what to expect. Anyway, we go in and wash and put on sterile hospital clothes and then we walk in and....I saw her and she was so beautiful!!!!

We walked over to her bassinet and we could just put our hands in to touch her. I talked to her about anything I could think of. And then the nurse came over and asked if I wanted to hold her and give her her very first bottle (she had been hooked up to a feeding tube). Of course I jumped on that.

Sitting in the hospital holding her and giving her that bottle was the most magical moment. I held her for what seemed like forever and yet was not even close to long enough.

After I don't know how long I realized I had to go. I was so sore I could barely move and was almost sick from it. Had we been together in the same hospital it would have not made a difference. But being seperated it did...I still had to go back across town.

I was very sad when I put the baby back in her bassinet. Really had no idea when I would see her again. Hoped to get back up there but it was dependent on who could give me a ride.

Had I known how long it would be I would have been even sadder.