My heart goes out to you Unbroken. My husband of 5 years left me six months after I lost my hand. He had been there through the "incident", watched and experienced it from the sidelines, and it was still too rough for him. I admit it was very bad in those first few months. I had a bad case of why me's and no one understands. He probably needed to get out just to survive himself. And honestly, it gave me the kick in the butt I needed to realize how bad it had gotten.
I guess what I am struggling to say is, I know its rough, and the guilt must be overwhelming, but you have to take care of yourself first. It wouldnt be fair to either of you if you didnt.
I agree with Spiritofnow, it is awful how many casualties there are. How many lives and hearts are broken.
But of course no one deserves to be treated like that. And although I am not perfect, at least now I know when I do something like that, I know enough to recognize, stop and apologize. It doesnt sound like she is quite there yet. It took me a long time and a good therapist to see it for myself. I hope it is a begining of a turn for her, cause it is hard to be there.
I have a hard time getting my point across in these things. I guess, take care of yourself, stay strong, and be proud of how honest you have been able to be with yourself about it.