Hi Cypher, well done on getting some of this out. Now, this is not going to be like others replied to you, and this is what your getting yourself in for. Cypher, you are going to get ill from this if you go further. This is your warning... you will go down to a very bad place, likely even already hit bottom in the past, but you need to be aware and make that decision to continue reading or stop now. Your decision alone. This forum has a legal policy, ensure you have read it and understand it. If not, take it to your legal practitioner and they will help you.

You are going to get ill here, but it's going to be short term pain for long term gain on your behalf. Be aware, nothing I do here is for any other purpose than your benefit. You have to trust me and remain in control. You may become suicidal, though nothing different than you have already experienced no doubt with the pain. If you do then you need to seek local support immediately. If you trust me and trust yourself to keep at this and not give up when the going gets tough, and it will get tough, in a few months you are going to find yourself quite better off than now. It takes that time for the brain to process and accept anything new you learn.

Cypher, you are partially correct in that you do have some blame for this matter, and that you are going to have to learn to accept that you screwed up in some aspects, you made some mistakes in some aspects, and you are going to have to live with that. You are also going to learn though which aspects you are responsible for and which you are not. You need to put a clear and distinctive line between them both. People often blame themselves for too much, which you are doing yourself. Others here have said its not your fault, but we both know honestly that is rubbish in its entirety. You have some fault, its just a matter of what, instead of you carrying the entire amount which I believe you are.

This is your fault, you own this. You had a decision to make in letting drugged and drunk people into your house. Because you did this, then that automatically means you do own some of the responsibility to what occurred to you, not all, just some.

Yes, this is your fault for not taking action immediately on all the signs they displayed to you, however; you do not own nor could have reasonably known what their intentions or future acts would encompass. You are now seeing a distinction made between your fault and their fault, what you knew and what is unknown. You must clearly define these aspects when viewing trauma. You must categorise them if you like.

As this was a short period of time, yes, you should have acted and removed them from your home, called the police, etc. Here is the tricky part though, and a very important part of how this is to be viewed within you.

This is lovely to look back and say what you should have done, could have done, but what I need to know from you is; what was in your mind at that time? Did you think at that time to call the police? If so, what did you think to not call them? What where your thoughts on allowing them to remain and do nothing about the way they treated you? I ask this because this is different to what many may think or relate, in that when you are referring to an abusive partner, someone who has strong emotion involved, compared to someone who doesn't have the same level of emotion involved. Did you feel more guilt instead of loving emotion towards letting them in? If so, why?

Now, listen carefully.... their acts they own, you do not own what they did to you. Again, you do not own their acts against you, they do.

What you own is different, in that you own some of the responsibility for these acts to be taken place to begin with, in that you let them in, you put up with the escalating abuse, instead of calling the police and having them removed. You own those parts, you DO NOT own their acts of violence or torture against you. You need to clearly define those aspects in your mind so you can place blame where it should be placed, and not carry it all yourself.

This is where things change.... being in an abuse cycle where you now have been degraded or threatened, scared and intimidated to do as you are told. We will come back to these things....

You need to read these things very carefully Cypher, you need to read it over and over if required, you need to not take negatives but instead read and use information here in its entirety, full statements, full sentences or paragraphs, not take a small context and manipulate or use it any other way. It is important for you to understand every aspect of what we are doing here in order to help you come to terms with your trauma and assign guilt and blame in the right areas to begin with.