Jim- I have been living (so to speak) with this for over 8 years. I am getting a grasp on my guilt but I have been beating myself up over this for years. "What if I had stayed home from work that day? What if I did not enter that building?" etc. For me it's as if I was aware of my behavior and yet not aware at all. If de-realization and de-personalization enter in then I tended to feel at blame for many things unrelated because I was not sure what I was doing. It may be hard to grasp but at times she may not feel in control-Fear. Self Forgiveness can be helpful, in time.

Be well