Hi, Thanks for the replies, they all help, thankyou. Anthony, thanks for your help! I'm doing alright.

• I let them stay- This was my voluntary act, I wanted to help my mom and hated seeing her this way.
• They became varbally abusive- this was their act and words, I did not like this. (one of the signs I ignored though, could have asked them to stop, but not sure what would have happened).
• THey started to physically abuse me- I hated this, painful and degrading along with the verbals- this was their act (another sign)
• They drugged me- I remember now the needle holes in my arms, and tied me up- their actions. Things are blurry though, why didnt I try to get away, was he to overpowering???
• The spider- their action ( I dont even know where they got it from) something was planned out though because my mom knew I am scared out of my mind of them
• The gun- I was helpless as to what to do, I couldnt think of anything, my mind was blown away as to what was heppening (no pun intended) put in mouth/vaginally and pulled trigger - their actions.
• Ripped off my toenails with vise grips- nothing I could do, their actions, extremmely painful!!!!!!!!
• Putting out cigaretts on my arm in the shape of swastikas one cig at a time (2 swastikas). their actions tied down i couldnt get away
• They strangled my- their action, nothing I could do as being tied down
• They raped me/urinated on me- forced and nothing i could do again- their actions, felt so helpless and worthless
• I should have used a public phone- my action, I really didnt even think about it until the other post, but my fault entirely.
• Rented them a hotel room for 1 week- my plan- they came back 2 weeks later and forced their way in
• Raped more, beat up more, verbals continued- my fault I should have fought them, but was thinking theyde kill me or damage me beyond what i could imagine. Again, the public phone my fault
• strangled and left for dead in the woods, but I had just passed out(they didnt know that, thought I was dead.) dumped in the woods
• Theres one thing I'm leaving out that i dont ever want to go back to (has to do with them looking up torture/ war crimes etc, cant bring myself to tell my T either.)

I'm numb to all of this at this point (eithr numb of angry beyond anything) and dont know how to react or respond. I see my T once a week and I thinks it's helping ( I hope) She hade me write what happened out and read it to her and Anthony, your right I felt like shit afterwards (and during)