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Originally Posted by cypher I felt badly and did not like seeing my mom in this condition. I did not feel guilty for this at al. |
Well done cypher, we have a starting place. So you didn't feel guilty... more empathy for your mothers current condition. Nothing bad with that.
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Originally Posted by cypher so I went to the store and bought them needles |
Yes, this is called enabling behaviour. Regardless that you did it for any other reason you want to tell yourself, even felt as being right at the time, end of the day you enabled their taking of drugs by not saying something at that time, ie. "If you want to stay here then you cannot do drugs here." An assertive stance was needed, though doesn't help now in hindsight, so lets keep going forward. Learn from your mistakes is my point here. Do not enable a persons poor behaviour, regardless what benefits you feel it could have, if the behaviour is poor in judgement, illegal or of health consequence, simply do not enable it period. Learn from your mistakes, this is part of the identification process.... don't ignore anything. This is why we are starting at the beginning.
IMPORTANT: They both own their behaviour of drug use... you own nothing of their use. You own enabling their behaviour of taking drugs in your home by buying them needles, that is all you own. Accept that, not the drug use; unless you willingly took drugs yourself, not by force.
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Originally Posted by cypher One day I did not have needles and he punched me in the stoumach multiple times. |
He owns this physical violence, not you. You are the victim of his behaviour, a behaviour which he owns outright. You have nothing to own or feel guilty off here. You need to learn this... you need to repeat this over and over until you get it in your head with a clear distinction of what you own vs. what others own. Isolate them both.
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Originally Posted by cypher Turns out they gave me a specific time to be home by and i didnt make it (just remembered this part) they had become very controlling iin not alot of time. |
I will put it to your simply I think... they preyed upon you as you likely already had a low self esteem to put up with this rubbish to begin with. The answer to why you had low self esteem already is yet to be discovered.
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Originally Posted by cypher I was drugged and tied down with the spider on me crawling toward my fack/neck. |
They own this behaviour. Simply question. Did you ask to be tied up and have a spider put on you? If the answer is yes, then you own that. If the answer is no, then you own no part in this behaviour and they are responsible for it 100%. You are the victim in relation to this aspect.
The big question to understand here is... why did you stay in that circumstance since it was within only days / weeks of beginning?