OK, you did step one. "I can no longer live this way"
"I am self destructing and have lost
everything of meaning to me"

NOW the work begins to put it back together the way you want it.

Realizing where you are, taking the responsibility to change it, and finding the right people to help you through it professionally are all necessary to get to the other side. It's hard work but look at all the people on this forum who have done it or are doing it. You can too. It takes courage, perseverance, and time. Two steps forward one step back, three steps forward one step back ..... until one day you will be making the moves for yourself again.

You will enjoy certain things again, you will find new things you enjoy - BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF. You did not get this way in one day and you will not "unget" this way quickly.

We're here for you! Take care.