I've been reading this thread and thinking about language and communication...and how our messages to each other appear to the eyes that read them.

To sit in front of a screen and read the words that someone has written to you...is through a one-dimensional medium. The person who sends us a message is not sitting with us; we cannot see, hear, smell, or touch one another; we cannot fully perceive and interpret each other's messages.

Why? Because in human communication, only 7% of a message is the in words themselves -- the verbal; the content. The "meat" of a message -- its meaning as the writer intends it -- is in everything else that we cannot sense while communicating through this one-dimensional medium.

If we are talking on the phone, we are able to gather more information as we talk with another. Approximately 33% -- one third -- of a full message comes through in the voice: volume, intonation, pitch, emotional inflection, accent, etc. If we hear someone cough over the phone, that's another piece of the message -- and each person will respond differently to that. One might immediately ask, "Hey hon...have you got a cold?" Another might start to commiserate 'cause he's got a cold too. Another might stay silent, feeling sad, knowing that the person on the other end of the line is a loved one who is dying of lung disease. Another might keep talking through the coughs. Still another might say, "Jeez, Hank, are you still smoking?!"

The "whole picture" of a message is only available to us when we're physically with the person(s) we're communicating with. Fully 60% of a message's meaning is in what a person's body does while one is speaking -- all the non-verbal signals: gesture, expression, eye contact, movement, proximity (closeness), alertness, sweating, twitches, etc. The senses of touch and smell come into play as well. We are able to see what stands out -- signs of injury or illness; skin and garment colour; jewelry; age; size, eye movement; posture, etc. Our senses have full information, and we are more likely to understand (or come to understand) what another intends and means in his use of words. The words themselves are contained in a context that helps us make sense of them in a way we cannot through a screen.

There are so many facets to communication -- and much of the time we're not consciously aware of what's going on. So much happens under the surface and "between the lines."

But if we're sitting in front of a screen, tapping keys, we are not getting a complete message, and it's good to be mindful of that when we start to reply. All we have to work with are the words themselves, and every word means something different to every person.

The more perceptual information we give and receive during a communication = the more likely we are to understand each other, or to work towards understanding. We are less likely to argue; we have much more information to work with, and we can check things out with each other -- like assumptions.

When we read words on a screen, we have incomplete information. It is so easy to misinterpret another's intent and meaning, to react to it, and hit the SEND button.

If I write, "I'm feeling great today!", every other person who reads the words will perceive them differently. They're only getting letters on a screen. "I'm feeling great today!" is either true (the words are congruent with the rest of the message), partially true (I might be feeling so-so, but don't want to get into that, so I sort of fake it), or not (I feel like shit and am lying through my teeth -- or my fingers, if I'm typing). You, the reader, will see "I'm feeling great today" and react only to the written words. Everything else is assumption, unless you check it out.

I think long and carefully while writing online, and I edit as I go. I am very sensitive to language -- its meaning, especially -- and I know (too well ) about how we can set off conflict by how we use our words.

...So this kind of thinking is my response to threads we've all read that convey strong feelings, beliefs, opinions, and choices.

Remember, while reading...that you aren't getting most of the message -- and that is no one's fault. Stay mindful of this one-dimensional medium that allows us to connect with each other with such ease...and be mindful, too, of how you write what you want to express.