Ok i need to back up a minute and let you know that his dad and i worked for the same company side by side in fact. He made it so difficult to breathe I began hating to go to work (to a job that I had been completly in love with) every break, lunch etc...he was there. Every morning he brought me coffee and breakfast in which ifi had not tried to choke down in front of him all hell would break loose. He continually degraded me for a couple of years by threatening to tell. I knew J would believe his father and I was desperate not to loose him.

At any rate I took my meds and put in for a medical leave of absense from work ( I had up to 2 years to go back without loosing my position) I was hoping his dad would go ahead and retire but he didn't. It was so difficult to keep it together and not let J know anything was going on...Several times i thought i would literally go insane. His threats were so awful and I believed every single one of them.
I am now diagnosed with PTSD.....well hello look at my life.
J was very suspicous about something going on between his dad and myself that I became a master liar about EVERYTHING in my life. Even though he suspected me of telling a lie I would promise, swear and convince him and myself that it was the truth.

I somehow gathered the strength and told his dad to go ahead and tell....
I would no longer try to stop him telling J. My mood swings was so all over the place but i still didn't tell J. I told no one other than my doctor and I said I would die first before telling and I lived by that.

I felt that i was home safe and J and I were very much in Love. In retropect I guess i was never safe but i felt the secret would never be told.

In 2007 we began a new phase in our lives together and I was happy. I felt a closeness to him that I hadn't felt before. I truly trusted this man to never intentionally hurt me.

In 2008 we even began a friendship with another couple and we did alot of things together. I began to trust her and one night I felt safe enough to tell her my secret....
We were married on March 13, 2008 and our friends went with us we flew to las vegas. I was ecstatic that I finally had the courage to have it on paper. I had always thought when would the other shoe fall. By March 20th we had so many problems with our relationship and he kept asking me to not lie to him but I still wouldn't tell! J began to become very close to Jacque and she kept asking me if i was mad at her. My response was always NO not mad just very hurt. By the 31st I hadn't seen my husband in 5 days but he continued to see her. My emotions were so raw! The pain and suffering was unbarable and on April 1st i decided to go ahead and end my life so i had to write him a letter then when it was time i would let him know where to find the letter, my
phone and my wedding rings. He didn't believe me and was out drinking with her I suppose he did not want to be interupted and he called my daughter to go and pick up those things...

After 15 days in the hospital and alot of therapy here i am. Jacque had told him my secret and he hates that so much of our life together was a lie. Can he ever forgive me? Probably not. We have spoken a few times but he has became so involved with drinking and Jacque that that is all he can do. He asked his dad if it was true and of course he denied it.

My entire life has had nothing but secrets....My childhood was horrible. I had been raped by gun point when i was 15. My first marriage was abusive both physically and sexually. My second husband was emotionally abusive and the marriage wound up in divorce when he bagan having an affair. During the marriage my ex-fiance dropped dead with an anurism in the center core of his brain. (We had remained very close friends even after we broke up.)
Then the next one was an alcholic, womanizer and abusive to me. I recently found out that he molested my youngest daughter. Also during this relationship with him my oldest daughter (12 yrs old) was molested and raped. The man got off on a technicality he was 36 yrs old.