welcome! I have simialiar issues. i've just recently started trying not to be a victim or a suvivor but a conquerer. at least that's what i'm telling my brain! It's very hard... my mother just stoped mothering when my grandmother died i was 12. I've always been angry about it just recently i've decided that instead of dwelling on it and try talking to her to let it go no one can change the past but accept it and be glad you are were you are today, you could be in a far worse situation.... Just a thought...
I wish you well and good luck!