I have also been asked if I want to get better or am I there to just talk about fluff. It may sound like an insulting question, but it's a fair one. I was doing the equivalent of just sticking my toe in the ice cold water and talking about how I should dive in, but I had not done any more than the toe, because I knew that getting all wet would be shocking, painful, and it would take me a long time to get comfortable again, and who in the hell wants to dive into ice water? But therapy is like the ice water. If I really wanted to swim,(survive and better my life) I had to get wet, and while it would be Very Uncomfortable at first, if I kept moving around (working through the pain) it would become easier to tolerate after a while. Even if you are not the kind of person who dives in, get in to your ankles (be truthful about one single aspect of the trauma) with your T and keep breathing. Soon, your feet will be acclamated, and you can walk into the water up to your knees, and so forth. Keep moving forward with your T, talk about one small truthful portion of the trauma. Keep it in small portions so you don't get overwhelmed.
Therapy can be painful, and it's normal to want to avoid pain. But those of us who have been where you are now can tell you that you have to open up, tell the truth, write it down, talk about it, think about it, and cry about it to get the pain out of you. It's hard to do, honey. It's hard. But you have the strength to do it!