I also had a traumatic childhood.

I can remember many times, usually around the time that something traumatic had taken place, when my whole body would feel tingly. My mind would just sort of go blank, and I would get lost in a sort of trance, staring off into nowhere. It was sort of like an out-of-body experience, in that I couldn't feel myself anymore.

In hindsight, it was probably the effect of the cortisone flooding my brain, working as an anesthetic.

I often wonder what I would have been like, had I been able to flourish and feel loved, instead of just trying to survive.
I want to be that other person, though I know she is lost forever.