I have thought a lot about suicide lately. Not about committing it myself, but actually about what stops a person from doing it, or what makes them opt for telling someone how bad things are and taking the hospital route. People are afraid of being locked up but for those who are serious (all the ones I see in the hospital are those who either failed an attempt or really came close to attempting it) its probably the best thing that can happen to them. When someone new comes in who is seriously suicidal its almost like they sort of break down, let it all out, and finally just ride their feelings out. And its like they know they are safe because they are being constantly checked in on until they feel better. Then I see them improve. Sometimes I almost envy it... not having to be responsible for my dangerous feelings for a time, relying on someone else to hold me back when I'm ready to fall...

I like to think that at least on my unit, the doctors are good at determining the difference between those who are thinking about it (probably the majority of people when they get really depressed) and who will actually do it if not committed. I'm not able to tell yet.

But during these last two weeks I've come to see the hospital not as a place to be "locked up" but rather a place where one can safely ride out the storm without fear of being judged by the staff. Not a place to keep you in, but to keep the rest of the world from hurting or judging you.

Furthermore, I don't know how it is in other states, but from what I understand in Indiana an emergency detention by a physician can only last three days and after those three days if you are not a danger to anyone you can leave. A person has to be in pretty bad shape before actually getting committed for longer.