I think I need to clarify my post.

I was pissed off by your posts initially. That is the truth of how I felt. I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to hear.. well I'm not sure exactly but something softer. I wanted to stay in my denial, stay in the cocoon. Actually if I'm being really honest I probably wanted sympathy.

I'm admitting to all that, this is part of me being honest - actually telling everyone my feelings. I could of posted Wow, thanks guys leaving out that I cracked it initially reading the posts. I wanted to be truthful to myself and others on here.

Then I realised you were on my side, you were supporting and each post was exactly what I needed to hear, perhaps not what I wanted to hear, but certainly what I needed to hear.

So despite my initial (defensive) reaction, after some time, and thinking about it, and suffering some more, and speaking to the GP, I realised the truth of what was written in the responses here. I'm grateful for the posts - you were all RIGHT and I was WRONG.

I would much rather an upfront and direct approach every time as opposed to pussy footing. Give it to me straight between the eyes, I might not like it immediately but long term I know what's good for me.

I got over my hissy fit in other words. I was asking for feedback, I got it and I didn't like it so got angry.

I'm totally agreeing with you Wendy.

Thank you 2quilt & Lisa, you get it. I felt like the whole world was against me and I needed to get over that attitude, and I have. I've also feed myself B.S. like no one will understand me, or no one gets it (which translates to no point trying because no one will get it, saves me having to do the hard yards)

I have to be truthful with my therapist and that means talk about the trauma. I've heard it a hundred times yet finally it's clicked for me. For two years I've been trying to avoid it or find another way around it. I've tried to resist this advice of talking directly, going through to the trauma for so long and I can't do it anymore because quite frankly I've become too ill. The pain has finally gotten too much.

I will also be honest about my feelings to my therapist. Just like on here I'm going to tell her that her question of 'do you want to get better' infuriated me. Normally I wouldn't. I'd sit on my anger silently seething until it had passed. Then I'd skip into session with the mask of I am Fine firmly fitted in place. Now I see the wisdom of her asking me that question. It was the right thing for her to do.

I've got heaps more to say, alot spinning around, but I'll leave it there for now. Basically there is a lot going on for me right now - in a nutshell I feel like I'm having a breakdown and a breakthrough at the same time.