I'm so sorry things are so tough for you right now. I think that over time, we our bodies and our minds just "push" and "push" us until we finally settle down and deal with the real problems.
One thing that is helping me a lot is my A.C.O.A. group. (Adult Children of Alcoholics (or other dysfunctions). They have become the siblings I never had. I suggest you look into such a group - it can't hurt to try and they will really understand what you've been through. You can participate in sharing your story as little or as much as you want/need. Nobody will pressure you. Sometimes I just listen - it helps me just as much as talking.

Another I wonder when I read your story - is it possible that you have a sleep disorder in which you are between two different levels of sleep? i.e., still dreaming while your body is staring to wake up. I've heard of that "overlapping" effect and how scary it can be for people.

Hang in there, darlin'

moonmaiden (Patricia)