Hi everyone, my forum name is Lilly and my husband has Acute PTSD and possibly TBI. It's been rough. Iraq almost tore our marriage apart. As with all marriages there are things that BOTH people do. I work in an environment that deals with Substance Abuse in soldiers and vets so I know my enemy. Its been a great change and my husband is dealing with it better each day. He went from suicidal to now he's in a VA sponsered program going to get a degree and using his MGIB. I have a great job and things look good. I think I'm at the point of caregiver burnout. Its the hills and valleys that are bothering me. I have the ability to work and talk with people in the field so I know its depression and probably my own PTSD from dealing with my husband.

He was a very verbally abusive husband and I owned some of that. I became very insecure to the point that even now I dont want him to see my naked and our sex life for me is just fear of being called names! He really is a great person and it is a shame that this has torn his mind and soul apart. I know if I just hold out, (we've been married for 8 years) we are on the down hill battle. I put so much effort into protecting and healing everyone else that I lost myself. I gave him an ultimatum and honestly was hoping that he would leave. He could go to the college have girls, porn internet anything he wanted but me. His actions were telling me that, but again sometimes it really isn't about you. But its hard to deal with when your being called a bitch and done nothing wrong. I guess the hard part is to see him control himself around others and then sometimes so mean. Like I don't a part of the PTSD comes out for no reason and I'm the only target.

I really believe he is the best he has been since Iraq and he's fighting himself to survive. I just don't know if I can hold on for long. Love him to death but I'm seriously tired. from the soul out. its not the hills and valleys that bother me its the BIG valley then great day then Big valley its just exhausting. Women need to feel loved and secure not like walking on glass. I don't know figured maybe talking to some that have succeeded might give me some perspective. I feel like I have no support and didnt realized I needed it, this has been going on for 2 years we see the finish line, hang on.. but feel like the depression and anxiety is sucking the life out of me so much that its suffocating my love. any suggestions?

Thanks for reading
Lilly