Hi Maenad, from my experience not only can having PTSD affect a person's sense of timing, but so can the coping mechanisms that some individuals may turn to in order to continue to feel some security, enough to think that they can survive another day this way and at the very least, ...at least just get by.
So much of what you've written all sounds familiar and similar to my previous life experience. I can still sometimes struggle with my sense of timing and memory even now, many yrs. later, but it's simply not near the struggle it was, nor is it the result of its previous cause.
Where I got into trouble was (and I don't know if this is so for your partner or not), was that when unable to help myself and/or receive proper help, I turned to such things as Fantasy, Spacing or zoning-out while keeping myself distracted with gaming, seeking instant gratifications in chasing differing compulsions such as many things wishful and fantasy that would immediately ease the pain and/or lonliness and I'd personally avoid much 'too trying', 'too risky/stressful' or 'responsible.'
Om, I even feared if I succeeded at any of these tasks it would then be expected of me regularly and without consideration given to my then sudden onsets of PTSD debilitation/depression, other symptoms and pers. meltdowns.
If it meant taking on long working hrs. to escape, then yes.
If it meant seeking asylum, when unemployed, then yes.
If it meant drinking,
...............or, attempting to redeem myself through fulfilling a role of complete selflessness-(as I falsely perceived this role to be), (and opposite of the selfishness too often engendered by my drinking to much and to often), well then yes.
Anything to numb-out and avoid my complete honesty, further searching for help and taking continuing responsibility for me, my trauma/baggage and my life; I didn't want it. I didn't accept it, and it was all I could do to cope with it and survive another day.
I was then ill-equipped to consistently show up for and to fulfill and create a life of my own; It meant committment and learning and adapting to a whole new way of thinking and being, ,,, managing and living, ,,, one that I simply couldn't even then imagine.
Well, so I played this completely irresponsible role of refuge out to its fruition. The fruit being utter loss, despair and desperation, and then and only then did I begin to bend, painfully so, take real action and make room for positive, effective, responsible changes within me.
It's very hard, bc with PTSD we do often so suffer with it; It being a very real, chronic illness and though sometimes, so much of it is both perceived and received as selfishness, self-absorption and irresponsible fits (passive or aggressive fits), (speaking entirely for myself), so much of this all, I find is directly related to chronic illness's for me.
I've not neglected and avoided responsibility, those times, because I'm some arsehole or inherently have some moral 'selfish' defect, I did it because I was very ill, suffering, dying, unable to help myself and with no real help insight and/or available.
PTSD depression, insomnia, anxiety, hypervigilance, super-sensitivities, hyperarousal, flashbacks and reliving our trauma, these all Suck! Who the heck wouldn't try and escape, while avoiding responsibilities and seeking relief, unless they had hit such a low or bottom that they had to do otherwise.
As for PTSD, and can it affect a person's sense of timing? I find it does, but generally only when I am either:
a) not willing to confront my Full Responsibilities Head-on. Be them a need to confront my trauma and its baggage of what I carry along with me on my life's journey, ...............Or, be it unwillingness to factor in and accept present day responsibilities.
And, b) also simply, When I am responsibly doing my best - (honest w/ both my present and past) and yet it all either seems like (or is) simply far too much, and overwhelming, then my best can come to a screeching halt with a temporarily collapse or shut-down.
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Maenad, I do seriously doubt that any of my experience is useful or the least bit helpful to you; I so hesitate to even post this. I wrote it prior to your last post and simply left it there on my notepad, in order to switch gears and consider whether I dare post. I so dislike time restrictions and my delay, doubt and hesitation with myself; All has created quite a long list within My Document files (my many responses to others threads, which never ever got posted). Not yet sure whether this too will become one, or if I'll post/respond and only to regret it.
On the other hand, I could post this I suppose. Though, at times, perhaps I went off topic, (perhaps not). Certainly this is my experience and not about your partner!
I really don't know how to respond to people, except with sharing my experience, which I Do Understand just may not be another's. And, yet I'm still so afraid of confrontation and someone telling me to stick my interest and concern up my arse, bc it relates and holds nothing for them and is essentially useless, instead rather annoying.
Please Maenad, pardon any and all of my inserts of my fears and insecurities, within your thread.
Hope |