My wife says I thrash in my sleep, she said I woke up yesterday and grabbed her by the arms, looked her in the eye and said "I thought your arms fell off....get away from me, don't touch me".
I've done this many times before, sometimes becoming violent or screaming, occasionally she says I yell things like "Get down!" "Contact!" "FIRE MOTHER ****ER" "ARRGGGHHH" I think you get the drift.
I've also choked, punched, grabbed and raped her in my sleep.
Other times she says I curl up into a ball and cry, which is not like me at all.
In the morning I never recall any of this, I just always wake up groggy.
I do have a temper and can snap pretty easily, I'm violent natured but I try to control it. My wife and family classify me as "Quiet, cold and emotionless" I find myself always miserable and looking at life like it's completely pointless. I feel worthless, I hate myself, generally unmotivated, lack of self worth sums it up. Weirdest of all, I find myself craving to go back to the desert, I feel like that's where I belong, like I have some unfinished business or I need to do it one last time to get it out of my system.