I understand what you are talking about. My bosses and coworker at a really cool nursery I'm working at part time have decided to 'adopt' me. They have taken me out to dinners, set me up with a 'therapist' male friend (didn't work out, he blamed me in an e-mail for my 'baggage.'), and the other day Chris grabbed me and hugged me and told me they wanted me around. They know a lot of my story, attempts etc.

The only thing I want to do right now is run away, find another job,move to another state, etc. I'm terrified of letting them any closer. Love and friendship feel dangerous to people like us. Part of healing is to gently and slowly overcome this reaction. Boy, it's tough though, I'm so used to not getting my emotional needs met or getting more secondary wounding, that my immediate reaction is to hide and run. I'm working on this..........trying to decide if I should stay there. I have a job interview in my field as a Bioloist in California next week. REally tossed up, I want to stay because of them and the heartfelt connections I"m building, but want to run like hell.
Something for therapy, it's so hard to trust.

BTW............for all who have read my diary. I'm getting surgery next week for the tumor. Still ambivalent about sticking around this planet..........but I'm giving it another shot.