It sounds to me like she has uncontrolled, untreated PTSD. Yes, PTSD sufferers can be abusive. However, the carer can, IF YOU CHOOSE TO STAY, set boundaries. You can decide what you will tolerate and draw a line.

My DH, though, is very affectionate and good to me. He has difficult times, but I cannot say any of the things you say about your wife: my DH is very affectionate. I would wonder if the affection disappeared for years at a time if there was still any love.

If you stay, you MUST decide what you can tolerate and what you will NOT tolerate. Then tell her when she is having one of her good days. Tell her that you love her, but in order to keep your relationship, you must protect yourself. Therefore, the next time she does X, you will leave the house for several hours until she calms down. That's an example from my situation. You'll need to adapt it for your own, of course.

Set boundaries. Be firm about enforcing them. Be loving about enforcing them too, so that your spouse is clear that you love her. See if things improve.

Too, if it comes down to a separation, you might insist as a condition of getting back together that she go with you for marriage counseling. And find a counselor with expertise in PTSD.

Good luck,

Cowgirl