Thanks for the replies, I have to admit that I was confused and stressing a little about what went on, and probably shouldn't have vented the way I did. I guess if I didn't love her the way I do it would have been easy for me to just break it off, but I do see a lot of good in her, and since she's not angry all the time I don't want to give that impression. I feel bad for what I posted now, because I can see that it has garnered a few wrong impressions.

I don't think PTSD owns "abusive behaviour", people who suffer through any affliction, whether it's an illness or a bad day at work, can act similarly and we don't suggest setting boundaries with them, we support them. PTSD IS the excuse for why she acts that way, it's just doesn't make it excusable. She has PTSD, and that is the reason why she lashes out - because she is stressing about what she is going through. Her behaviour, while it's not rational, is not abusive as there isn't any name calling, nor does she give me ultimatums. She is far more committed to our relationship that I had imagined, and was shocked that I thought we were on the brink because she didn't see it that way. She wants to be in this relationship, and she is very sincere about a happy life together.

We had a very good talk the other night about what happened and she realizes that she over reacted and felt bad for it. She knows that doesn't excuse it, but she is trying to get better and sees a therapist, a counselor and a psychiatrist to help her understand herself better too. She told me that she's not used to a guy loving her unconditionally and being there for her, and that's what makes it hard at times because she needs to feel confident that I'm not going to just bail on her. She said she knows my heart is in the right place and that she wants to learn to accept my help without feeling like I'm counseling her, which I assured her I'm not intending to do.

When I mentioned "life sentence" to her, she cringed and told me she refuses to let PTSD control her forever, that she wants to and will get better. That really impresses me that she feels that way. It will take time and understanding, a lot of patience. While I appreciate the replies and know they are based on my (over)reaction to the weekend, I don't think it's a fair assessment for anyone to suggest that she will never change. Her past arguments with her family was when she was at her worst, directly after what caused all of this. While she sometimes lashes out at me it's not as bad as it was when she truly felt alone in her life. Her family has told me they see a big improvement in her, but since they don't want to take the time to learn about PTSD they tend to put her on edge because they would like there to be an easier excuse for her behaviour, like alcoholism or addiction to medication. The one thing I want to point out again is that she did shut me out once, and I asked her one time not to shut me out and now she doesn't. That's an improvement, and probably a huge one.

Since this is a new relationship for us, and PTSD is new to me, then it is very difficult for me to just throw in the towel and give up on a woman I feel very strongly about. She has some issues, and we both feel it's manageable. If I were speaking after a year of putting up with this with no improvement, then I would think that it's time for me to reassess my feelings and decide what's best for me. Right now, though, I have to be fair to her and admit that since I don't fully understand what triggers her and how to better help her I shouldn't react the way I do. I did ask her how she would like me to react when she stresses and lashes out, and she wants to talk with her counselor and learn what is acceptable. Since she does have PTSD she doesn't want to feel like she is incapable so she does want to learn how to handle it better when I do try to help.

I have a lot to learn, and I don't allow her to treat me poorly just because she has PTSD, I do let her know and we both have to work as a team and find out what works for us. I have my own triggers and she is learning about me too and how I react to things she says/does. But the bottom line is that she is making an effort and wants to get better, and I can't fault her for that. Again, I do feel bad for my post because I was venting and feeling confused about what happened. I do get upset when she acts that way and she knows it, and while it's not all her fault she does accept that she shouldn't have acted that way.

We'll work through it, and time will tell. I think she's a beautiful person who's had some bad things happen to her. It may be hard to break through the wall but I have been getting through...she wants me in her life and that's something even she is surprised by, because, as she tells me, she's never met a guy like me. I am flattered, and I'm willing to give her the space and understanding she needs. She's not all bad, and I'm sorry I painted that picture because right now she is my best friend. She is the kind of woman who does want a relationship, and she wants it to last. She doesn't need a guy in her life, she wants one, and that makes her happier. I am glad that I'm the one, and I will try my best to learn more about her and to help her rather than to just vent my frustrations. I don't blame anyone for their replies, but I can see I did her an injustice by posting that, as I said...I was venting and frustrated and probably should have counted to ten first, but I have no one else to talk to about how I felt.

After all, I have the best of both worlds....I'm in love with someone beautiful, and after she gets through her bout and is happier and calmer I get to fall in love with her all over again. :)

thanks...