I had wanted to go in my old bedroom when I was at my parents - just to see if my flashbacks/nightmares are accurate - I keep getting the feeling/image whatever of sitting against my bedroom door, with my feet planted against my radiator pipe and bureau, one hand pushing up on the door handle to stop it opening. All the while, I can feel through my back the door being hit, and bending in at the bottom, and just thinking "if that door opens, I'm dead".

This is one memory/load of memories (happened regularly) that I can recall easily. I use to sit there for hours, cos the bastard would have a go to get in, then go away a little while, then try again. I think I spent a whole day like that once, waiting for him to go out, or waiting for my parents or older brother to come home. I also had to keep my radiator turned off, cos I burned the bottom of my foot on the pipe one time - it hurt like hell for days, but I didn't dare say anything. Not helped by my mum turning the damn thing back on "aren't you cold?". Personally, I would rather be cold than hit or worse!

It makes me very sad and angry beyond explanation. Anyway, I couldn't go in there in the end, which is probably a good thing, as I'm struggling with aftereffects of the visit anyway. I always stay in my normal brother's old bedroom these days. It feels so much safer.