I don't understand this: As my posts show I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and have spent time learning from this forum, therapy and reading. But I just keep getting bloody worse-my nightmares are worse, I'm not talking with my wife, we're not even sleeping together, I can't do my funking job right, I'm getting more depressed. Memories/images are jumping into my mind at a relentless rate. I just went for a hair cut and everyone I passed on the street seemed to be looking at me as though I am pathetic. I look away and have my mp3 player going but the anxiety when people pass me is too much. Even my wife said "you were fine until you were told you have PTSD," which isn't true.

I realize from what I have read that I'm beginning to look at what has been ignored, but I just feel I'm still present with past abuse. And when the people around me don't care enough to want to understand, it feels even worse. The other thing is that I have been treated so bad from basically birth (I was a neglected infant) till well into adulthood, that I don't feel I'm anything but how others have treated me. I try to tell myself this is not true, but emotionally it is true. If today someone physically, emotionally, or sexually abused me, then, to me, they would see me as I really am---I know no other sense of my-self. What I understand and feel are incongruent.

Sorry, I'm just very confused and angry --I don't know who the real me is and I hate the one that I am.